I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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