My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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