The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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