I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
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We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
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Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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