i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
