I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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