He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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