hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
