They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
