you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
