I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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