it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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