between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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