I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
