This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Of course I have a pirate flag
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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