as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
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I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
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Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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