You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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