You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
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This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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