I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
