I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
