My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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