I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
