On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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