yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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