You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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