Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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