DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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