my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
