Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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