"it" just moved
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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