I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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