Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Randomize
