Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
