I wannas sexs uuuuu
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
