Who did Billy Mays play for?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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