An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
