I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
