omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
