He uses pillows to masturbate.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
