Is it normal to miss your booty call?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
