I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
