Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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