I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
that's an acceptable place to lick
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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