Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
