mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize