Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
