My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
