you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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