She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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