Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
