i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.