thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.