True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
THAT is your concern right now?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.