Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?