Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
