yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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