I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
