My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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