It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
