It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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