NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
