You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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