I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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