i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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