He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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