While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
