I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
