Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
