I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
