I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You were trust falling into bushes
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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