"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
My liver just broke up with me...
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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